its a new chapter;

why??
why must u appear only now?
the feelings i tried to show u now were fake.
i pretend to be strong.i pretend to be wat i am suppose not to..
i did it becoz i dun wish to get myself hurt.
i did it becoz im trying to cover up the strong feelings that i had towards u last time.
i did it becoz i dun want to break this friendship.
i did it becoz i treasure u from the start we get to know each other.
and lastly,
i did it becoz i accept u for who u are.
watever ppl say abt u,i put it aside..
becoz... haiz..*sigh*

i treasure those moments we became friends though im puzzled why u appeared now?
u claimed that u treated me different from the rest.
u showed me care,concern and like wat u used to treat me when we were once together.
but at times,u will be hurting me wif ur sarcastic werds...
and it felt hurt for me..
i wanna ask,is it wrong for me to feel hurt wif all those sarcastic remarks?
im a human,with feelings...thats a gift from Tuhan yg maha esa...
tapi perlu ke hati seseorang disakiti dgn sengaja?
u mean i dun have the rights to feel sad wen im hurt?
to feel down wen u kp saying something sarcastically everytime we meet?

till wen will u stop doing this to me?
i tried to put up a brave front..
i tried to hide those tears...
and its not some fake tears that u claimed it was.
it was those tears that make me kp asking..have i loved the wrong person?
have the person ever wondered how much i treasure those sweet moments?
has he ever wondered how much i suffered wen ppl badmouth abt me,spreading untrue stories?
has he ever wondered how strong my feelings were,and didnt even change abit since the first day we met?
has he ever wondered why this gerl still kept the stuffs that was once given?
has he ever think all this?
at times i wondered whether he has ever tink abt me...
has he ever treasured those sweet memories...
arguments and quarels are part of human's lives..
we have to accept each others flaws..and dats precisely what im doing rite now.
i put aside ur dark history..coz i know u will change for the better..
but till now,u havent..and to my stubborness,i still am waiting....
but to my realisation,i finally remembered wat ur fren told me...
he told me this...
"ur juz waiting in vain...."
true enuf.. i am.
tapi kenapa??
kenapa saya tak move on?
ikutkan situasi ini,ikutkan perasaan ini...
mmg saya nak...tapi kenapa masih belom berganjak??
pernah tak awak berfikir?
saya rasa tidak...
kerana dari dulu,awak tak pernah ada perasaan keprimanusiaan..
saya diibaratkan terdampar seorang diri disebuah lautan yg jauh dari pemandanganmu..
wen u did a mistake once,u will nvr realise it and mk me wait to solve it myself.
and the next day u will pretend nothing happen...
aftr that u did ur mistake again,and again...
and thats ur daily routine.
u mk me wait for an answer.

now,wen u claimed u treat me different from the rest,i asked u why..
and u answered?
"i dunno..."
is dat an answer from a ** yr old?
is dat an answer from a claimed-matured person?
im confused!

to tell u the truth i missd those moments wen we laugh,joke around and u seem so nice..
but wen u ultimately change,i felt miserable.
i juz dunno why..
i ju dunno why i can still accept u as my 'fren' although u've changed for the bad side..
its all becoz of u!
u mk me realise all those wonderful moments...
u mk me appreciate those sacrifices...
and i did it till now!
for goodness sake...
why zila?
i kp asking myself every single night w/o fail..
there's still isnt an answer yet..
*sigh*

Ya Allah...
tabahkan lah semangat aku...
berikan lah aku kekuatan utk ku teruskan kehidupan seperti sedia kala...
kuatkan lah iman ku...
luruskan lah jalanku yg penuh badai..
hapuskan dan kering kan lah airmata sekiranya ia menitis tidak terhenti2 kerana memikirnya...
semoga dia bahagia bersama org yang ditentukan utk nya...

to all,i know this post is kinda long and full or emotions...
and ya..its unlike me to put up dis kind of post coz zila dah lama simpan..
i juz cant stand it anymore....i have to let it out.
mungkin kerana dah terlalu bnyk simpan dlm hati,dan kesabaran ini ada batasannya...

to the person concern,i hope ur happy wif ur decision.
i will pray for ur happiness and dat u will find one day.
though this heart has been damaged,it takes time for it to heal...
kalau nyawa ni satu hari ditarik, forgive me for all dat i've done.
manusia tak lepas dari kesilapan.
but if dis flaws u still kp in anger,erase me from ur life.
pretend that u never me me before...

till dat,
i end my post for today.
to the others,
treasure ur loved ones selagi dorg ada..
coz
"U DUNNO WAT U'VE GOT TILL ITS GONE..."